So, why is it that people with the most menial, mind-numbing jobs, most of which involve the least bit of though or effort, NEVER get it right? Really, sometimes wiping your ass takes much more effort and thought than some of the things people get paid to do for 8 hours a day. Yet, we rely- day in and day out -on these idiots to get some of our most important tasks accomplished. Case in point: our mail carrier.
Mid last week, I checked my mail box, only to find out that it was empty. Hmm…I checked again the next day- nothing- not even one of those annoying credit card applications or the little flyers with the ‘age enhanced’ pictures of missing kids that are now in their 40’s. Now, I am sure that to some people this is cause for celebration, but when my Valentine’s day gift, my kid’s books, and our bank statements went MIA, I started to wonder. Of course, the first person that came to mind was our mail carrier. Not that I wouldn’t trust our mail carrier… really, she’s an*exceptional* individual, in her twenties, with an attitude twice the size of her blimp-shaped ass, and with a great deal of skill in handling the mail AND her cell phone while chatting about the ‘baby daddy’ this and the ‘baby daddy’ that. Now, there was that one time when my insurance agent called me in hysterics after having received my pay stub nicely tucked in an OPEN envelope… and no check! Oh, and let’s not forget the time when I asked this *incredible* individual about a missing package. She chose to pretend not to hear me… funny, she seemed to be able to hear the idiot on the other side of the phone quite clearly (and so could I!)
So, late last week -and into today- I began to get all these phone calls and emails about my mail being returned. Most of them started with: “Oh, I didn’t know you had moved”...Hmmmmm????? or, “I invited you guys to my party, but the invitation came back undeliverable, did you move?” What?? So I checked my mail box again on Saturday and found out that the bitch had deliberately and arbitrarily, changed the name tags on our mail box!! WHAT.THE.FUCK?! Now, thanks to the ass who doesn’t know her pie hole from her shit hole, I have had to pay to have items re-delivered and mail re-sent.
So, I did what every other non-confrontational, parent-of-soon-to-be two would: I made tags in blinding bright RED and HUGE font for our box, GLUED them down to the box… and I left her a note. I impressed myself with my very passive approach. I began to think that, after the birth of my baby and with this pregnancy, I had become a softie. Perhaps it is a desire to set a better example for my child, or perhaps it is my husband’s constant reminder that I am pregnant and should avoid that kind of stress, perhaps maybe I have lost some of that Latin temper… or maybe I just didn’t want to get my hands dirty with such an asshole. In any case, the note read:
“Dear Mail Carrier:
PLEASE note that we are missing mail and have received notices via phone about mail that has been returned to sender as undeliverable. We noticed that our names were changed on our box for NO APPARENT REASON – this is a B-I-G PROBLEM! Please check with the leasing office next time prior to making these UNCALLED-FOR changes.
Thank you”.
I should have known, damn it! I should have known! The next day I get this half-ass-chicken-shit-ghetto-scribble crammed on the same piece of paper that read:
“No one was removing the mail for over a month, It was returned to sender.”
WHAT.THE.FUCK?! She probably would have been better off telling me that I am a cock-sucking whore. Seriously, I could feel the steam slowly taking over and my whole body turning red. My feet swelled up, my neck was stiff, my hands clenched into fists and I just… went postal! Why oh why, is it that they can NEVER take accountability for their stupidity? They fuck around, screw up and then it’s everyone else’s fault but their own. Plus, they STILL get paid, whether I get my mail or not.
So, I wrote another letter, and gathered pieces of mail that I had retrieved 2-3 weeks prior- this was war and I was out to take her! But, the note didn’t make it to the mail box… which was probably a very good thing for her. I am pretty sure that, at this point, I would have killed her if she had replied with another chicken-shit-ignorant-rant. So, I called the post master, let her know that our mail carrier was tampering with our mail and promptly reminded her that this was a federal offense. She was quite pleasant and VERY quick to let me know that she would personally take care of the situation. I guess this means I am maturing... or something. I hope the blimp-assed-chicken-shit-ignorant-menial-worker-bitch got fired… then again, she’ll probably end up on welfare and costing me a fortune in taxes. I never win…hey, at least I KNOW I haven’t lost my Latin temper after all! LOL!