To Steal or Not?

So how in the world do you get away with taking $43 million from a bank, hoping in a van and taking off without a trace?

http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/europe/02/22/uk.robbery/index.html

It amazes me every time that, in this time and age where to make a simple bank transaction you have to surrender a vile of blood and your first-born child, people can get away with impersonating the police… and stealing this much moolah. However, I am inclined to think that, in a country where half the population does not know the meaning of the word ‘dentist’, a heist of this proportion is probably easier than pulling teeth. Not to offend all you Brits out there, my great-grandfather was a British national with a lengthy military career, the most gorgeous sky-blue eyes… and the worst teeth in the planet.

So, I start dreaming about what I would do if I had such a substantial amount of money… as I do every time I sit here with a pile of bills ready to give money away to corporations that need it a lot less than I do. I can just picture Ares and I sipping beverages gently poured into tall glasses, dozing off naked under big blue umbrellas in some beach in the Caribbean, playing with our 'sandy' selves. Of course, this is my dream, so I have bigger boobs, a smaller ass and he’s just as perfect as he is today. Funny that, with this much money, most people would splurge on designer duds and high-strung social lives, but apparently I will be entitled to live a happy, lazy and very naked existence.

Then my darn morals kick in and I wonder if these people ever think about the possibility of getting caught. This would be my downfall- I would be in constant worry about getting caught, not because my life would be confined to an 8’ x 10’ space shared with Ulla the barbaric dike who becomes the Sweet Momma who puts me to bed – and not necessarily by reading bed time stories- but because I would have to give it all back. And there goes the good ol’ naked times with Ares’ hot ass, which would most definitely be on the most wanted list over at his new ‘crib’.

I have to admit though, as incorrect as it is to steal, I do think ‘coming’ into money this way is much more admirable than winning the lottery. See, this takes planning. This takes risk. This takes resignation. This takes determination. Winning the lottery only takes a ride over to the corner gas station with a buck and a crap load of luck. The funny thing is that, either way, the next step would be to hide, if not from authority, from the throngs of ‘long-lost’ relatives –including Uncle Sam- that will be coming out of Bumble Fuck to claim a piece of the pie.

So, knowing that I don’t have what it takes to plan and execute such a plan, as exemplified by my futile attempt to steal a candy bar from a Walgreen’s at the tender age of 4, after which I had to return it and apologize to the manager (Humiliation is a Latino mother’s best weapon!), I will be on my merry way tomorrow morning to purchase my very own lottery ticket, and hopefully, I’ll be sipping those drinks –naked- with Ares on a beach somewhere soon.