Taking Out the Trash

If there’s one thing I have learned in the last few years is that most people can either adjust accordingly to the ever-changing process of life, succeeding in developing clear and concise relationships with their peers, while others become wedged in a time warp between high school and oblivion. With the exception of my ex-husband and a handful of acquaintances, most of the people I surround myself with these days are of the first, more level-headed kind. However, for some reason, Ares is plagued by baggage of the latter kind.

Yesterday, Ares received an extremely hateful and derogatory email from a person he had considered a close friend from his years at UST. We will call her ‘Richelle’. The email came out of nowhere and with the sole and malicious intention of creating a rift between us. The saddest part is that her email was preceded by a very thoughtful message from Ares, one filled with congratulatory thoughts about her pregnancy. Her email was long, obviously the work of someone with a lot of time in her hands and who has been harboring a grudge over a comment I purposefully targeted to her massive head at a party… almost two years ago. Something about her being a gossiper. Now, don’t get me wrong, I accept full responsibility for the comment I made, and I would do it again if I had to. But Richelle's message, the hatred in her words and her burning desire to crush others with abherations, was completely uncalled for.

You see, no effect is without a cause, and Richelle blatantly decided to take it upon herself to partake in gossiping about others just to make herself the center of the universe for 30 seconds. So, following her M.O, she let the entire world know about our pregnancy before we even had the chance to soak it in ourselves… and even after she had been asked not to share the news with anyone. By the time Ares and I were ready to make the announcement to our friends at the party, EVERYONE already knew, and THEY were coming up to US to ask if it was true. WE knew instantly it had been HER *work*… she was the only one there who had been told. It took all that I had to hold back my tears as I held back Ares from “ripping her head off” as he so delicately put it. Gossiping like she did might seem a minimal thing to most people, however, this wasn’t the first time we had been targeted by her. Richelle had done the same when Ares and I first met, but at the time, we chose to let it go to keep peace within what seemed a very close-knit group of people. This time, however, it was different. If you’ve ever been pregnant or been around a pregnant woman you know that, between the vomiting, the sleeplessness, and the aches and pains, some days, happiness only comes from witnessing the joy in a friend’s face as they share your good news. We felt betrayed and confused, stabbed-in-the-back, hurt… but most of all robbed. Robbed of the opportunity to tell everyone and see their reaction. It was decided at that very moment that Richelle would never be part of our lives… ever again. We did, however, post her name on invitations to social events (to make sure there was no chance that anyone else would invite her, obviously), but really, we made sure the *invitation* would NEVER come her way (fake email address, anyone?). We were no less than disgusted when Richelle and her husband showed up at Ares' birthday party last year – completely uninvited.

We have been bombarded with emails from her in the past two days… just pages and pages of psychotic rants about how much she despises me. Who the hell does that? Funny that every single insult that she has taken upon herself to direct my way, are traits I found in her from the start. I mean, where do you come off thinking that it is ok to rant disgusting things to your *friend*, who you proclaim time and time again to *love*, about their spouse and try to sugar coat it with “but I hope you’re happy”? What.The.Fuck?!

But, from what I understand, this is how Richelle operates, she loves you one day, but if you have the audacity to even say *hello* in the wrong tone of voice, you will receive a blow from the wrath of Richelle... regardless of who you are. She's done so to so many nice people I have come to know and love! She even did so to her sister, who was pregnant and having her baby shower just a short time prior to Richelle's wedding. She whined like a child because her sister would be getting all the attention, thus shifting the focus from what was the most important thing (to her, and only to her, obviously!): her wedding. She generates lies and makes comments to strike her ego, at the expense of others' feelings, even those who have managed to overlook her self-absorption and continued to offer her a friendship. She still believes that life is a popularity contest where the only thing that matters is quantity, not quality- at all levels. Ares distinctly remembers the first time she told him that he didn't deserve his success because he never graduated from college. She believed that since she HAD a degree, it was unfair that he would be in a better financial position than her. She made this quite clear to him -time and time again- at every opportunity she had. What.The.Fuck?! What kind of person are you to think that way? To not be happy for your friend's happiness and accomplishments?

But, anyway, back to this story. See, there’s an underlying issue to all of this prom-queen drama. Richelle is best friends with 'Rosa', one of Ares’ former girlfriends, who is quite a piece of work herself. The day I came into Ares’ life, was the day Rosa drafted the one goal in her life: to do anything possible to come between us. She was instantly shocked by the fact that –six months after their split- she was still looking for someone –anyone- who she could have a slobber-fest with in front of Ares, while he had found “the one”, had fallen madly in love, and had told the universe about it. Her ego took one ginormous hit when she slammed against the solid wall that is our relationship. She went as far as demanding that Ares make a choice between me and her. The outcome is self-explanatory. That was the day he buried their *friendship* and never looked back.

Now, I am a believer in giving people a second, or even a third chance, so I encouraged Ares- against his best judgment- to mingle with them at social events. Why? Because I believe that deep down there is kindness and gentleness in everyone. Rosa and Richelle are the only two people that have proven me completely wrong… but I rest at ease knowing that I gave them the opportunity to be human and they chose to be beasts. I have never met two people so genuinely committed to the creation and distribution of rage, insults, rudeness and hatred. Trust me, it hasn’t been easy to smile when I was angry, to chuckle when I wanted to cry, to hold back when I wanted to burst out in anger, but to know that I am at peace with my course of action is priceless. Why? Because I adore my Ares and the day I married him I fully accepted all of him, good and bad. I made the commitment full force, to be with him through it all, even if it meant putting up with his *garbage-truck-sized-baggage* at the expense of my feelings… and here I am, through thick and thin.

So, how does the story end? Well, I thanked Richelle –in a most sincere way- for letting us know where she stood because that lifted the weight off my shoulders in having to pretend whenever we crossed paths. She turned the tables on Ares for forwarding her emails to me. She also emailed him –and copied Rosa on it- to let him know that their friendship was over because he stood by me in justifying my response to her. Hello, idiot, he IS my husband!! Alas, it is finally good to confirm -clearly- where her loyalties have always been.

The emails kept coming. She kept provoking me, provoking Ares, pushing the issue, pushing my buttons, pushing, pushing... pushing... I held back for longer than I thought humanly possible. I deleted her emails, walked away from my desk, breathed in... breathed out... I tried so hard to be the better person, to show her that her rants didn't bother me. But, at some point I lost my composure, and when it came time to either shoot my computer or put her in her place, I chose the latter. I finally had to do it, I had to listen to my inner wrath and go for the low blow… I had to forgo any sense of adulthood, revert back to my days in the playground, and risk detention. See, despite what she thought about me, it didn’t really matter because I knew she spoke in anger and frustration over the fact that she has *creepy-crawlies* (I didn't quite say it like that, but for the sake of this blog, I will change my *wording* of such *thingy-majiggy*). Yes, I took it upon myself to remind her of that *itchy* little detail. I know, perhaps not the most eloquent remark, but one I knew was sure to hit the mark and get her off our backs. See, Richelle thinks she's perfect in every way known to man. She truly believes that every single one of her male acquaintances wants to date her or sleep with her (GROSS!!!). She absolutely cannot take any criticisms -from anyone- about her looks, especially her body. Her self-esteem is so low that, pinpointing anything that reminds her of her flaws just eats her up with anger. Yes, I went there. I just had to turn this damn bitch off! Apparently, it worked because she has backed off. Mission accomplished!

BTW: She claims her *little* problem was the *leftover* of a rape, but everyone who knows the story is well aware that –as usual- she was drunk to the point of passing out while on a date with an idiot. Excuse me, Richelle, but rape is a horrific and sad thing that tears a woman’s body and soul apart. I have been in the presence of victims of rape and molestation (recovering and in denial), known, worked, and developed relationships with them. I would not wish rape upon the darkest of an enemy. In my book, it is among the most heinous of crimes. Therefore, for you to go around undermining what it means to be raped, to play with it like it’s some game, to claim martyrdom just to get attention when you put yourself in a most precarious of situations for lack of better judgement… that is just beyond unacceptable, sad, sick, and it continues to sponsor the ignorance that most people have regarding the matter.

As it stands, I don’t hate her, in fact I feel nothing but the deepest pity for her. Really, I honestly do find the whole thing to be so sad! However, and despite her efforts to be the most hateful individual in the universe, I would have no qualms about helping her out of a really bad situation. Perhaps, mostly out of pity... or maybe that’s just my nature… maybe I’m an idiot… or maybe I’m just human. Whatever it is, I just won't bother with hatred against anyone.

The emails have stopped now… whew, just in time for graduation! I wonder what next year will bring….