Keeping Up the Neighbors

Ahhh… apartment life, got to love it! A few nights ago, I listened as our neighbor upstairs stumbled home during a foggy, alcohol-laden, too-early-to-think-straight morning hour and screwed the living daylights out of the piece of ass that followed her in.

I think that she was REALLY drunk, or maybe the guy hadn’t gotten laid since high school, but the sex was Q-U-I-C-K! In less than 30 seconds, they were done! It was so quick, that I didn’t even have the time to fantasize about what position they were indulging in. Then, in a flash, the door slammed… and her piece of ass started down the stairs. Another one bites the dust…

The whole episode reminded me of when I first met Ares. I used to spend weekends in his apartment doing nothing else but having sex. We would get out of bed only to fulfill the other basic need in life- eating. The sex was so darn good, we would meet up for nooners, stay up all night, and on occasions, skip work altogether. Nine times in six hours was our record.

One afternoon, we came home to discover a little note on the door. In very clear handwriting, obviously the work of someone who wanted to be understood, we were told the following:

Dear Neighbor:

During the last two weeks, we have been awakened every night during the hours of 1:45 and 3:30 am by the sounds of your mattress against the wall. I am guessing you must be a new tenant, and are not aware that the walls in these apartments are paper-thin. Please move your mattress away from the wall, so that we can get some sleep.

Thank you,
Your Neighbor

Two weeks later, we ran into Ares’ neighbors in the hall… packing their shit into a moving truck.

I wished my neighbor upstairs would have taken longer, if only for the enjoyment of those of us who only got to hear a little bit of the racquet at 2:30am. I think next time, I’m going to write her a note… and ask her to keep us up a little longer.