Happy New Year!

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After a night of debauchery that included:

1. Drinking martinis and downing shots – of every kind.
2. Flapping tits everywhere.
   
3. Grabbing ass –both male and female.
4. Polishing tonsils at midnight.
5. Laughing at the bitter love child of Danny DeVito and Meatloaf, and whose dick was about 6 inches short of his own ass.
6. Going to a seedy strip club, puffing Macanudos dipped in Frangelico, and shoving dollar bills down a stripper’s panties.
7. Getting hit on at the strip club by a Bruce Lee look-alike.
8. Stumbling into the car at 3am -10 to an SUV- in a long dress and 4” heels.
9. Trying not to vomit in my friend’s new car on the way back.
10. Chasing pancakes with beer while Bulgarian porn played in the background.

I now sit here with a morning episode of the alcohol blues. Regardless, I am feeling up to par to unload the final bag of garbage left behind by 2006. Every year I look back, put in perspective the lessons learned, and bid farewell to people and situations that have brought about nothing but negativity to my life. Today, with one final blow -unfortunately only in the figurative sense- I say "FUCK OFF" to two of the world's finest bitches. So, here it goes:

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To the overly large Herpes Whore and her even lardier Carpet Munching Wart Sucking Lesbian Lover: neither one of you trailer park bitches even remotely resembles a supermodel, so please stop pretending, it only gets more and more embarrassing the older you get. Much like the pimples on the ass of the world, you are both absolutely repulsive. I have yet to come across a single human being who accepts either one of you as part of our species. Intelligence escapes you both. In fact, there is more going in an 80-year-old man's pants at a Willie Nelson concert, than there is in both your brains combined. May 2007 bring you both the courage to put on your big girl panties –and quite huge they are- and prove yourselves worthy of the air you breathe. You know, it must suck ass to be married to a complete and utter idiot who has to ask his wife for permission to borrow his balls every day. But -really- does that grant you free license to offload your insecurities on everyone? I hope your doctor prescribes a nice cocktail of Valtrex and Prozac for you, before you kill someone for thinking you're an idiot. It must have proven quite excruciating to see how the man you were planning on leaching off of financially, committed to a complete stranger in less time than it took for him to pack your dirty ass up and kick you out of his life. Keep hating if that makes your day, you just continue to hurt yourself –and only yourself. I am done with both of you spineless people, because it’s obviously not enough that you take to hating your miserable selves, apparently hating others bestows upon you a true sense of self and purpose in life. Cheers to you fuckers!

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And now moving on...........

HAPPY NEW FREAKIN’ YEAR OF THE PIG – 2007!!!!!